THE BACHELOR
Jimmie has a steady girlfriend, Ann (Renée Zellweger), and he
does want to marry her, but his attempt at a proposal ("you win")
falls flat. After she gives up on him, Jimmie learns about the will from
his deceased grandfather (Englishman Peter Ustinov, donning an amusing Texan
accent). In a videotaped testimony similar to the one in Brewster's Millions,
the old man lays it on the line: get married by 6 p.m. on your 30th birthday,
stay married for at least 10 years, and produce children, or you're cut
off without a cent. Unfortunately, that means that Jimmie would also lose
his family's billiards equipment company, and hundreds of friends and employees
would be out in the cold. And to make matters worse, his 30th birthday just
happens to be tomorrow.
With Ann apparently out of the picture, Jimmie, assisted by his friend
Marco (Artie Lange), manager (Hal Holbrook) and attorney (Ed Asner), begins
searching for the next Mrs. Shannon. They book a church, hire a priest (James
Cromwell), and contact numerous former girlfriends, including Mariah Carey
and Brooke Shields. But all the ladies are either attached, offended, uninterested,
or all of the above. Besides, Jimmie can't escape the realization that the
one he really wants is Ann. With the hours dwindling, he must find her and
make things right.
With its cast of ex-lovers, Cohen's first screenplay takes us on a mildly amusing jaunt through Jimmie's past. There are a few standout performances, like Shields, who almost goes through with it until she discovers she actually has to have sex with him (that would turn me off, too). The theme of Jimmie imagining himself as a wild mustang being roped and tamed allows for Sinyor to create some amusing images, but all the women in the film except Ann are stereotyped in one way or another. This may be the first chick flick that shows an open lack of respect for chicks. Meanwhile, O'Donnell and Zellweger both give the lackluster performances of actors caught in a mediocre romance, just putting in time for a paycheck. In the end, The Bachelor doesn't appear to have much more in the way of brains than Runaway Bride or Mickey Blue Eyes. **½